Kamakazee kiss

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-09-08T04:28:00

2007-09-08T08:33:06Z

I'm on a hiatus from myspace as of now,
I realized there's 9394824 better ways I could be wasting my time.
Such as beating Ocarina of Time again. haha.

Oh and I got that new journal
imstayinghere

so this is the last post to this journal...
wow it's a little scary wrapping up 3 whole years of my life.
I can say one thing for sure,
they were the best 3 years of my life. hands down.

i'm ready to start over though.
I need to learn to let go of the past.

<3

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-09-07T18:14:00

2007-09-07T22:17:40Z

if anyone would like to come visit me from home (or elsewhere),
they're more than welcome to come here.
I have an air mattress for you to sleep on,
and I have a gazillion dollars in food plan money to feed you.
I could really use the comfort that only old friends can bring lately.
please?
:)

oh and this is the freaking anthem of my life right now...

And sometimes when you're on you're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along and they love you
But the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
And you'll be be better you'll be smarter
More grown up and a better daughter
Or son and a real good friend
And you'll be awake and you'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest you'll be brave
You'll be handsome you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them...

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-09-06T17:14:00

2007-09-06T21:18:06Z

I'm considering making a new journal,
I just feel like this chapter of my life is kind of done for.
I live in a new place, with new friends, and I pretty much have a new life.

Everything here in muncie has still been wonderful.
The last two nights have been filled with friends at the mt cup,
trips to play at elliot park and just hanging out at the village green.

Life is so perfect here,
I hope everyone is as happy as I am.
:)

Oh and if the new journal thing does happen,
I'll let all of you know.
haha.
ily.
<3

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-08-30T01:59:00

2007-08-30T06:02:09Z

So I know this is going to sound super gay,
but i've had this crazy urge the last week or so.
I just feel so creative and I want to make something so bad,
but it's like I can't decide on what medium to use at all.
Pictures? Painting? Words? Drawing? Poetry? Music?

I don't know, it's a weird frustrating feeling,
anyone else ever get this feeling?

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-08-29T01:27:00

2007-08-29T05:37:25Z

busy. busy. busy.
that's how i've been lately.
class. work. sleep. eat. friends. class. work...
I feel like i've been constantly going for the past two weeks or so,
but in a way I kind of like it.
Keeping busy keeps me happy.

This weekend will be a nice chance to get away from the busy muncie life,
I'll be coming home for Heather and Jarrod's birthdays. Yay!

I can't wait for fall to get here.
I want chilly weather with hats, coats, mittens, and scarfs.
I want cuddling to keep warm and sharing pockets.
I want hot coco and cute village green shows.
mmmmm. I can't wait.

Goodbye to sleep,
I think this staying up is exactly what I need
Well take apart your head
Take apart the counting, and the flock it has bred
Goodbye to love,
Well it's alright I'll push you up
Right against the wall
Take apart your head
Chew it up and swallow it
You're brought back but you're running
I'll find sleep in the end tonight
I can't shake this little feeling
I'll never get anything right
I'm on my own, never say anything right
I'm on my own, never say anything right
I'm on my own, never say anything right
I'm on my own, never say anything right

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-08-23T02:02:00

2007-08-23T06:23:13Z

Brittany's post about classes,
and latest muncie news inspired me to make one,
I need to go to bed, but hopefully this won't take tooo long.

M/W
Eng 104-
The teacher seems really young to be a prof, maybe 27? The class seems kind of cool but kind of lame at the same time. I think it's one of those "you can choose to make it fun" classes. Basically, we examine subcultures and write five different essays about one each of us pick. Im having trouble thinking of a subculture that im really interested in, but not involved in though. Maybe skateboarders, that'd be fun.
Journ 104-
Another really young looking prof. He kind of seems like an ass, and dosen't really seem to "get" my thoughts and opinons that I throw out in class. He just does that kind of shrug agree move on kind of thing. I guess theres a lot of writing for that class, which kind of makes me wish I wouldnt have taken english at the same time.

T/R
Graphic Arts-
It should pretty much be a breeze for me, I mean when is graphic arts not a breeze? Plus I already have some points with the teacher because he knows im in the Graphic Arts Unlimited club, and that I worked at a newspaper this summer. Which i'm hoping will boost my grade a bit. The class seems fun though, and having a graphic arts minor would always be something that would be nice to fall back on if the ad thing dosen't work out. I like doing that stuff, it just comes so natural for me.
Phsych 100-
It's one of those huge lecture classes with close to 300 people. The prof seems just okay. Not mean, but not very nice either. Lots of notes readong and tests. ugh.

W
Technology & Soceity-
It's a night class but so far it seems wonderful. I guess everything is hands on in his class. Today we did a fun little experiment with the evolution of writing. One group had to roll out playdough a write a sentence in it, one had to use a quill pen, one used a printing press...etc. It seems fun and next week I get to make an igloo!

The Friday all I have is English 104 again which is hella nice.
Godddd I have the hiccups so bad and I cant get rid of them.
I bet im driving nicole crazy, shes trying to sleep. haha.

Life in muncie has been just as wonderful as expected though.
I've seen almost everyone i've wanted to see,
I've had a couple late nights at the MT cup.
I've gone to a couple of shows.
I've walked around campus aimlessly.
I've hung out a The Village Green bunches.
I've tons of new friends already.
It's just been really great.
I really really do love it here.

Oh and working night staff is way fun too.
All I do is sit around and watch movies,
and they pay me 6.75 for it, its the best job i've had thus far.

Aside from my boy being 287498375 miles away,
and that whole thing being a really mixed up situation right now.

I am really happy here.
I'm glad to be back.
:D

eh

2007-08-19T02:19:12Z

I just kind of woke up in a weird mood today,
not really a bad mood, or even a good mood, just a weird one.
I feel completely comfortable, but yet not comfortable at all,
I feel excited, and nervous for the exact same things,
I feel awesome and terrible at the same time.

I'm just really not sure what it is I want today.
Hopefully a little wine tonight will clear some things up,
because i'm not sure of much of anything today,
and that, is a terrible feeling.
:\

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-08-16T18:40:00

2007-08-16T22:50:06Z

holy shit it's been a hell of a week.
we moved in on sunday and started working right away.
Me and the rest of the opening committee (about 15 girls)
had so much shit to get done before the move in days.
we basically worked everyday from 9am to 9pm.
It was pretty much ridiculous, but we got it all done.

yesterday the premium plan people moved in,
we all met at freaking 7:45 in the morning,
basically, we had to push carts with people crap in them until five that night,
annnnd theres no air conditioning here so it was hella hot the whole time.
Nicole Harris moved in with me though, which is fun. :)

today was just about the exact same thing as yesterday,
except it was standard plan people so there were twice as many of them.
All 500 residents are all moved in and settled down now though,
so it's all okay I suppose.
I super sweaty and sick though. haha.

However, the new dining area here in my dorm is freaking amazing!
It has all of my favorite food, nice lounges, flat screen tv's, fireplaces,
not too mention it's freaking huuuge!
I love it, lots!

Tomorrow starts in with the normal muncie days again,
you know when im not a slave to the dorm and can actually leave and see people. haha.
I can't wait i've missed everyone so much, and I have so much to catch up on.

I still love it here.
:D

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-08-08T10:15:00

2007-08-08T14:19:05Z

warped tour kicked my ass, and rocked my face off.
simply put, it was fucking wonderful!
It really was a good way to end the summer.

Only 5 days left until i'll be back in muncie,
and I havn't packed one single thing. ugh.

I think were going to have a little get together thing on friday,
before brittany nicole and i take off for the school year.
everyone should come.
:D

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-07-30T03:25:00

2007-07-30T07:26:25Z

One of the many reasons I love muncie so much...

hahaha.
wwjd.

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-07-26T19:13:00

2007-07-26T23:18:18Z

today has been wonderful so far.
It was my last day of working at KPC! woo!
Matt Swanson (my boss) gave me an awwwesome letter of recommendation.
It said something about how i'm very creative, hard working,
and that I pay great attention to detail.
Then he invited me to come back and work for them whenever I want,
I think I might over christmas break, make a fast 1,500 or so.
Then I came home and i've just been in a great mood since.
I need to clean my room, and get changed before sean gets out of work.
Then were driving to Goshen to play some d&d with the boys.
ahhh, it'll be nice to finally get to enjoy summer, haha.
:D

fucking strings.

2007-07-20T04:21:15Z

I hate how no one really write on here anymore, boo.
If you don't already know, i've recently started playing the cello,
and while it's only been a week, and I can hardly play anything yet
I absolutely LOVE it, by far the best/funnest instrument i've ever played.
Except I bought strings today, and broke two of them while tuning, yowch.
Which sucks hard considering they cost so damn much 80.00!
I've been working half days lately, which is nice.
I told my boss the last day I can work is July 26th (one week!)
My rooms a disaster and it's getting cleaned as soon as I finish this.
I have a new tattoo hanging out with the other three,
it's real pretty and says "Love, Laugh, Live" I like it lots.
I'm suuuper anxious about warped tour, and cedar point!
And i've realized that making better friends with heather
was probably one of the best things to come out of this summer.
Whew, I think thats it, now to start cleaning.

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-07-10T07:45:00

2007-07-10T11:47:09Z

So I found this in my journal from like three years ago. haha.
Lets do it again?

You name three people. I have to pick one to push off a cliff, one to marry, and one to have sex with.

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-07-01T00:07:00

2007-07-01T04:19:56Z

ugh. I have to work tomorrow morning,
meaning I have to get up at like 5:40,
annnd I can't sleep. it's terrible.

this weekend was fun though.
Thursday during the day sucked,
Sean and I got in a retarded fight.
Then went on a walk, which was rrreally nice.
It's good to know that we can still act like couple we use to be sometimes.

Friday was amazing.
I just kind of laid around being bored all day,
then Heather txt'd me and said she wanted to hang out.
I went to Ft wayne and we had a picnic under this big statue thing,
then we ran around and caught lightning bugs.
We decided to go walk around downtown ft wayne,
and got holla'd @ by like 83674384 mexicans.
After that we went to a Fiesta, and danced to crazy Mexican polka music.
We decided we were probably going to get killed if we didnt leave,
so then we went to this sweet fountain and played in it. haha.
Then these two mexican guys came up to us and started macking on us big time.
Heather and I pretty much ran away. hahaha.

Today was real boring, and kind of a bummer.
Mom, Matt, Thanh, and I all went and watched the kville fireworks.
Which was a lot fun, and reminded me of being a little kid again.
I hope I never grow up. haha.

So it was a good weekend, but tomorrow is sunday which means back to work.
This week should be an easy week though, I work Sun-Tues, and then I have wed off.
Annnnd I only have to work half days on both Thursday and Friday.

If you want to do something on any day except Tuesday or Thursday txt me or something.
:D

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-06-29T14:58:00

2007-06-29T18:58:45Z

im so bored,
and have no plans tonight.
who wants to do something!?
txt me.
:D

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-06-28T20:25:00

2007-06-29T00:25:54Z

fuck.

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-06-24T18:56:00

2007-06-24T22:56:54Z

sweet jesus.
I think I just suffered through the most awkward two hours of my life.

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-06-23T21:45:00

2007-06-24T01:47:30Z

oh my god.
who knew ebay was so addicting?!
It's even worse than myspace, geeeze!
I've been checking it every ten minutes for the past two hours.
Note to self:
NEVER bid on anything else on ebay ever again.
this could become a rrreally bad habit.

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-06-23T13:51:00

2007-06-23T17:58:27Z

It's been awhile.
hahah man, staind is stillll sweet.
but really, I havn't updated in a couple of weeks,
so here's the low down of my life right now.

1. I'm rich byatch!
2. Matt dosen't have cancer anymore!
3. Hanging out with Heather Fett again is amazing.
4. I'm buying a cello! (unless I find something cooler to spend $300+ on, haha)
5. I'm buying sean a micro korg.
6. Kendallville has it's way of sucking people in, I've noticed this a lot lately.
7. I work too much for it being my summer vacation, but I don't really mind.
8. Apple fixed my computer in ONE day and sent it back!
9. My pants are starting to rip in the crotch.
10. Carly, lets make cookies!

:)

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-06-09T23:29:00

2007-06-10T03:29:39Z

meeeeh.

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-05-21T22:34:00

2007-05-22T02:44:12Z

Things around here have been weird,
but were all getting by so it's okay.
They found a couple more soft spots in Matt's mouth,
which means he's going to have to have Chemo now.

I started covering his job for him last week.
I design ads for KPC online now,
the job is actually really sweet
and with advertising being my major and all,
it will look awesome on my resume.
The pay isn't bad either.
12 bucks and hour, 40 hours a week
you can't argue with that.
having to wake up at 6 every morning
on my "summer break" does suck pretty hard.
but I don't really have a choice any other way.
and i'll be loaded soon.
who wants me to buy them dinner!?
haha.
:)

This week does sounds promising however.
Today I went and saw a movie with the twins and april,
Tomorrow i'm picking sean up before work,
Thursday i'm going to muncie for a sweet show
(with member of Tilly and the Wall performing!!)
Friday were going to go visit my grandma,
and Saturday i'm buying the twins IHOP.

So all things concidered,
life isn't too bad right now.

I love you all,
Please wish the best for Matt.

<3!

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-05-07T00:27:00

2007-05-07T04:41:48Z

kendallville shouldn't be so bad as long as I can keep myself busy.
sooo here's my to do list for the next couple of weeks.

work related
-unpack everything
-clean and rearrange room
-clean out the garage for garage sale day May 19th
-get applications for a summer job (3rd shift IHOP waitress maybe?)

people to see
-robbie lude
-heather fett (wednesday! yay!)
-carly
-dreme bob
-jon braun
-sam w
-jon houser
-the biancardis and the rest of those angola kids
-you?

fun stuff
-catch up on maple story
-bonfires!
-read a book
-tan?
-picnic
-kite flying :)

okay so maybe kendallville is going to be boring,
but at least I have my boy here
and i'm coming back to muncie for a few days in june.
it just dosen't really feel like summer yet, weird.

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-04-30T13:11:00

2007-04-30T17:11:31Z

IMPORTANT!
due to moving complications,
the fire at my house is going to be on FRIDAY instead of saturday.
let me know if you can still make it or not,
and tell everyone that you think might not see this that its changed.
I love you guys!
:)

kamakazeekiss @ 2007-04-29T14:45:00

2007-04-29T18:56:54Z

my last weekend in muncie was almost better than expected.
two nights. two bottles of livingston. tons of good friends,
sincere goodbye hugs from everyone.
sigh.

as excited as I am to come home,
it's going to be hard to say bye to muncie for so long.
I feel torn between new friends and old friends,
and each have seperate places in my heart.
i'm just hoping the old friends are still as great as I remember.

Last night a few close friends and I sat around,
and just talked and giggled about all the good times we've had together.
it's almost hard to beleive how fast you can get attached to people.
Maplewood Manor is slowly starting to feel like family to me,
and I love it that way.

Goodbye Muncie,
you've been great to me this entire year,
and I promise to come visit over the summer.

Hello Kendallville,
I hope this summer is as awesome as I remember past summers being,
and I cant wait to catch up with everyone.

:)

save yourself twenty minutes and don't read this. haha.

2007-04-27T02:59:16Z

So maybe I should make this entry private
because I feel a good ol' fashion
teenage girl silly emotional entry,
and I know most of you dont see this side of me,
especially on livejournal, ugh.
but just bear with me.

On New Years night my brother and I had a few drinks,
in our drunken state of mind we both agreed
we were way overdue for a brother sister heart to heart.
He led me down to the basement and told me that he KNOWS
that im completely for real in love with Sean.

I obvously already thought I was,
but I was curious and needed to ask why he thought this.
He said "The second that any of your old boyfriends
picked a fight with you, or made you cry even a little
you kicked them out right away, but you're so different with sean,
even when he pushes you away you still dont turn your back on him,
and knowing you for more than 18 years that means you absolutely LOVE someone."

I thought it was one of the most true things i've ever heard,
and just two days after that sean and I got back together.
Things have been wonderful since, with a few occasional fights.
About a month ago I told him I wasn't sure how long I could be with him,
because I was so upset about him not having enough time for me.
I realized I was being silly and selfish and we got over it.

Today I was feeling exceptionaly emotional after watching "The Holiday" haha.
So I decided to send sean a cute lovey dovey text saying
"Sean, you're the best. I never thought I could still
be this head over heels for anyone after almost 3 years."

Then he replied back saying
"I thought just a month ago you were ready to drop me. haha. ily"

At that moment it hit me that my brother couldn't have been more right.
there is no other boy that could possibly get me so worked up
over silly fights about not getting to see him enough,
playing silly video games instead of spending time with me,
or wanting to hang out with johnny when he promised we'd talk.
If any other boy did these things, I couldn't care less.
But everything good and bad sean does makes me skyrocket with emotions.
No one else has ever been able to do that to me.
I am for sure head over heels drop dead in love with him.

Baby, you're the best,
I'm sorry I pick silly fights with you
and I hope you understand that the only reason I do
is because I care about you more than anyone.
You're the only person that can bring
the legendary tuff Sara Vance to her knees.

Sean McNemar
Your my boy and always will be
through better and through worse.
I love you.
<3